It’s true that here in Boca we love turtles. Many people come here for the sun but stay for the turtles. There’s a saying in Boca: “turtles don’t prosecute for securities fraud.”
Down near the beach we shut the street lights off to protect them. When the eggs hatch, if the baby turtles see lights, sometimes they go the wrong direction. They think the moon is shining, then they get hit by a golf cart.
Boca has a turtle hospital, a turtles-only beach, and police sworn to protect turtles. Meanwhile, the barbarians in Delray lust for turtle meat and make the turtles into soup and use the shell for a bowl. How would you like it if aliens abducted you and made you into soup and used your skull to drink from? Where I come from only the mountain tribes do that to people. In Miami I heard there is a gang called the Tortugas and they use turtle shells for armor. They are afraid of global warming so they sacrifice tourists to the sea god with a knife made from a turtle beak.
Boca Raton has a turtle festival but I’ve never been there since I always miss the day. I went to the turtle hospital once and watched a turtle get a massage. They were squirting dish detergent on him, the same stuff you use at home. The thing about turtles is they never look happy, not even when they get a massage. Who doesn’t like a good massage? Turtles.
The last thing I have to say about turtles is that they are not tortoises. This is critical, so if you only read one thing here, this should be it. Turtles live in water and tortoises live on land. If you see a turtle on the beach, don’t put it in the water. The turtle might really be a tortoise and yes it will drown. The turtle police see it all the time. If you drown a tortoise you will have 20 years of bad luck and your children will be born with internal organs on the outside.
If you like turtles, or you are a turtle, Boca is the place to be.